You Are Known
Identity, Worth, and the Courage to Be Seen
Guiding Text
Teaching Section
Identity, Concealment, and the Courage to Be Known
Lesson Plan
Introduce the central question: 'What happens to a person who must hide the most fundamental truth about themselves in order to belong?' Establish that this session's teaching is grounded in both peer-reviewed research and scriptural theology, and that neither will be asked to compete with the other.
Present Meyer's Minority Stress Model (2003) with specific attention to identity concealment as a proximal stressor. Define distal stressors (discrimination, rejection, violence) and proximal stressors (internalized homophobia, expectation of rejection, identity concealment). Explain that for LGBTQ+ people of faith, concealment operates on two simultaneous levels: hiding one's sexuality from the faith community, and hiding one's faith from the LGBTQ+ community. Both are exhausting. Both are measurably harmful.
Read Doctrine and Covenants 93:24 aloud: 'Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.' Teach that self-knowledge is a form of truth. To know yourself—your full self, including your sexual orientation—is not a departure from gospel truth but an expression of it. The scripture's insistence on knowing things 'as they are' is a rebuke to every system that asks you to pretend to be something you are not. Pair with 2 Nephi 2:25: 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.' The purpose of mortality is not performance, not conformity, not the grim endurance of an identity you were told was a defect. The purpose is joy.
Present research data on health outcomes associated with identity concealment. Pachankis (2007) found that concealment creates a state of chronic cognitive burden—the constant monitoring of behavior, language, and presentation that consumes psychological resources that would otherwise be available for creativity, connection, and growth. Hatzenbuehler (2009) demonstrated that structural stigma—living in environments where your identity is institutionally devalued—produces measurable increases in psychiatric morbidity. For Latter-day Saints, the structural stigma is particularly acute because it is woven into the fabric of eternal theology: the Family Proclamation, the temple recommend interview, the plan of salvation itself. The closet is not just a social space. It is a theological space. And it is killing people.
Pose the orienting question: 'If truth is knowledge of things as they are, what truths about yourself have you been afraid to know?' Transition to group discussion.
Detailed Lesson Content
We begin this program with the most fundamental question: Who are you? Not who the institution says you are. Not who your bishop's interview assumes you are. Not who the Family Proclamation implies you should be. Who are you—actually, fully, in the sight of the God who made you?
In 2003, psychologist Ilan Meyer published a landmark paper in Psychological Bulletin that changed how researchers understand the mental health of sexual minorities. Meyer's Minority Stress Model proposes that LGBTQ+ individuals face unique, chronic stressors that exist above and beyond the general stressors that all people experience. These are not the ordinary pressures of life—financial stress, relationship conflict, work demands. These are stressors that arise specifically from one's position as a stigmatized minority in a hostile environment.
Meyer identified three proximal stressors—stressors that operate at the level of the individual's own psychology. The first is internalized homophobia: the internalization of society's negative attitudes toward homosexuality, so that the person comes to believe that there is something wrong with them. The second is the expectation of rejection: the chronic hypervigilance that comes from anticipating that if people knew who you really were, they would reject you. The third is identity concealment: the active, ongoing work of hiding your sexual orientation from others.
For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, these stressors are not theoretical. They are Wednesday night. They are Sunday morning. They are every temple recommend interview in which a bishop asks about the law of chastity and you must decide, in real time, how much of yourself you are willing to reveal to a man who has the ecclesiastical authority to determine your standing before God. Pachankis (2007) found that this kind of concealment creates what he calls 'preoccupation with secrecy'—a state of chronic cognitive burden in which the person is constantly monitoring their own behavior, scanning for threats, editing their language, managing their presentation. The person in the closet is never fully present in any conversation because part of their mind is always working the angles: What did I just say? Could that be read as gay? Did they notice? Am I safe?
The research is unambiguous about the cost. Hatzenbuehler (2009) demonstrated that living in environments of structural stigma—environments where your identity is institutionally devalued—produces measurable increases in mood disorders, generalized anxiety, and alcohol use disorders among sexual minorities. A 2014 study by Hatzenbuehler and colleagues found that sexual minorities living in high-prejudice communities had a life expectancy approximately 12 years shorter than those living in low-prejudice communities. Twelve years. That is not a metaphor for harm. That is a body count.
Now let us turn to the scriptures. Doctrine and Covenants 93:24 offers one of the most remarkable definitions of truth in all of Latter-day Saint theology: 'Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.' Read that carefully. Truth is not knowledge of things as the institution wishes they were. It is not knowledge of things as the 1995 Family Proclamation describes them. It is knowledge of things as they are. If you are gay, that is a thing as it is. To know that about yourself—to name it, to hold it, to refuse to hide it—is an act of truth. And in Latter-day Saint theology, truth is a divine attribute. You are not departing from the gospel when you come out. You are arriving at it.
2 Nephi 2:25 adds the crucial second layer: 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.' The entire architecture of the plan of salvation—the Fall, mortality, agency, the Atonement—was constructed so that human beings could experience joy. Not so they could experience the grim endurance of hiding. Not so they could white-knuckle their way through decades of performing an identity that is not their own. Joy. If your experience of the gospel has been primarily one of shame, concealment, and self-suppression, something has gone wrong—and the thing that went wrong is not you.
This session asks you to consider a radical possibility: that the courage to be known—fully known, as you actually are—is not a betrayal of your faith. It is the deepest expression of it.
Recommended Videos
Brené Brown, 'Listening to Shame' (TED Talk, 2012, 21 minutes)
Brown's research on shame and vulnerability provides the psychological framework for understanding why concealment is so damaging and why the courage to be seen is the foundation of connection
Watch Video'Believer' (2018, directed by Don Argott, feature documentary)
Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds, a Latter-day Saint, confronts the intersection of LGBTQ+ youth and Mormon community norms. Powerful testimony to the cost of institutional silence.
Watch on Amazon →Brené Brown, 'The Power of Vulnerability' (TEDx Houston, 2010, 20 minutes)
The foundational talk on vulnerability as the birthplace of belonging, love, and connection
Watch VideoAdditional Reading
- Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674–697. [The foundational minority stress paper—essential reading for any facilitator.]
- Pachankis, J. E. (2007). The psychological implications of concealing a stigma: A cognitive-affective-behavioral model. Psychological Bulletin, 133(2), 328–345. [The definitive study on identity concealment as a psychological stressor.]
- Hatzenbuehler, M. L. (2009). How does sexual minority stigma 'get under the skin'? Psychological Bulletin, 135(5), 707–730. [How structural stigma produces mental health disparities.]
- Givens, T. L., & Givens, F. (2014). The Crucible of Doubt: Reflections on the Quest for Faith. Deseret Book. [A faithful Latter-day Saint perspective on holding faith through uncertainty—useful for framing the theological dimensions of this session.]
Academic Framework
Introduction to Meyer's Minority Stress Model. Discussion of identity concealment as a proximal stressor—the psychological toll of hiding a core aspect of the self. Research shows that identity concealment is associated with increased anxiety, depression, and decreased self-esteem (Meyer, 2003; Pachankis, 2007). For LGBTQ+ people of faith, concealment operates on two levels: hiding one's sexuality from the faith community, and hiding one's faith from the LGBTQ+ community. Both are exhausting. Both are corrosive.
Theological Reflection
Doctrine and Covenants 93:24 defines truth as 'knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.' Self-knowledge is a form of truth. To know yourself—your full self, including your sexuality—is not a departure from gospel truth but an expression of it. The scripture's insistence on knowing things 'as they are' is a rebuke to every system that asks you to pretend to be something you are not.
2 Nephi 2:25: 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.' The purpose of mortality is joy—not performance, not conformity, not the grim endurance of an identity you were told was a defect. Joy.
Discussion Prompts
- When did you first realize there was a gap between who you were and who the institution expected you to be? What did that gap feel like in your body? In your spirit?
- Have you ever felt you had to choose between being known and being safe? What did you choose, and what did it cost?
- What would it mean to be fully known—by yourself, by a community, by God—and fully loved at the same time?
Integration Exercise
Personal inventory: Participants write two lists. The first: 'Things I have hidden about myself in order to belong.' The second: 'Things I know to be true about myself that no institution gave me permission to know.' These lists are private and will not be shared unless the participant chooses to.
Therapeutic Methodology
Primary Modality: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This session's core therapeutic work involves cognitive defusion—helping participants separate their sense of self from the institutional narratives that have fused with their identity. The ACT exercise 'I Am/I Have' helps participants distinguish between 'I am broken' (fusion with institutional narrative) and 'I have been told I am broken' (observation of an external message). Clinicians should guide participants through values clarification exercises to begin identifying authentic self-concept apart from imposed identity frameworks.
Secondary Modality: Internal Family Systems (IFS). Clinicians may introduce the concept of 'parts'—specifically the exiled part of self that holds the authentic sexual identity, and the protective part that learned to hide it. The goal is not integration in this session but recognition: naming the parts and acknowledging that the hiding was adaptive, not shameful. IFS provides a non-pathologizing framework that honors the participant's survival strategies while opening space for eventual unburdening.
Assessment Note: Clinicians should use this session to informally assess each participant's stage in the identity development process (Cass Identity Model, 1979) and their current level of internalized homophobia (Internalized Homophobia Scale; Meyer & Dean, 1998). These assessments will inform individualized therapeutic attention throughout the program.